humility - a willingness to admit error

Have you ever asked people to describe you in three words? I was reflecting on this a couple weeks ago and wondered what words people thought best embodied my nature. The thing is, I'm pretty sure not many people can come close to picking three words to describe me, probably not even two. Unless asked to, I rarely talk about myself, I'm painfully reserved and shy, and I would rather talk about you. I am already faithful to the gym, I quit smoking, and I eat healthy, so I think the best New Year's Resolution fitting me would be to become a more open book. I can confidently say only three or four people know me enough to be able to describe me, and I would like that to change.

I love reading. It's not hard for me to get into a book or textbook. I love learning and taking in knowledge. My friend asked me what I would do with a million dollars, and I replied, "Pay for college." I am a nerd, I always have been and always will be. But I'm not a geek, there's a difference...! I would say I'm very religious, I'm confident in what I believe in, and because I am not a Christian or Catholic does not mean I am not religious. Belonging to a church or distinct group does not make one religious. I began to seek my own truths after college, after becoming more educated and more aware of what religion is and what purpose it serves to different people. Like my friend says, "Whatever works for you." I am pursuing science, and I am determined that I belong there. Science is more than a class or major to me, it's therapy. Science is always honest, always evolving, and never lays claim without having solid evidence, which anyone is able check and refute/improve. Science believes in humility, something many religions say they practice, but really don't.

I am painfully shy. It's almost unbearable. I assume that I don't seem that approachable, but that's the reason why. I didn't used to always be this way, things happen in life that forever stain you, and that was the case for me. I'm not socially inept, I just have a hard time being open to people I don't know. I am neurotic and have anxiety problems. I worry and stress without trying to, it's a part of who I am. 

I'm trustworthy, I don't tell secrets. Usually, when someone tells you something juicy, you tell your best friend or boyfriend. I really don't tell anybody. I think it comes natural to me because I'm a private person, I don't feel the need to gossip or spread rumors. I love the beach. Lots of people dream about moving to the East Coast or out of the country. I can't leave California, ever. I belong near the coastline. I live for lazy summer days filled with laying out and soaking up sun. 

I believe in best friends. I expect a lot from my friends, that's the type of person I am and the type of relationships I like to have. I can't spread myself thin, I'm not the person who walks into a mall and gets recognized every five seconds. I have a small group of people in my life to whom I dedicate my 110%, which means I am there and present, no matter what. That doesn't mean I don't like having many friends, it means that I'm careful about who receives my time. I'm big on time, but I guess all Americans are. We hate wasting time and I'm no exception.

I love music. I love music. I love music.

I love tea. I waste a lot of money at Starbucks and Coffee Bean. My perfect day would be getting tea and bagels while discussing life-religion, science, art, philosophy, books, anything (but politics). I enjoy going to museums and I like philosophical films. I don't like romantic comedies. I would rather see Black Swan than No Strings Attached, hands down.

I love the gym and I like being active. My future plans are to go hiking and to go running outside of the gym, maybe at the Rosebowl. I believe the mind is a powerful thing, you are your worst enemy or best friend. Being active and pushing yourself mentally is great in that you begin to know yourself. You start to realize what you are capable of and I am empowered by that. The empowerment you get can be applied elsewhere, anywhere. It's great.

I used to go out a lot in the past, but I've grown up since then. I have had all the craziness a person needs, believe me. I wasted a year in trying to figure out what I wanted, and I've learned from it and appreciate it. All the mistakes and drama molded me into who I am and what I am today. I don't regret anything. I have new goals, but I have still retained who I am. 

If anything, I am more me than I was before.


Currently listening to: Dada Life - Unleash the Fucking Dada
I love this sound, they have been a favorite of mine for a while.

the quickest way to attain knowledge is to ask questions often

I have never been able to stomach scary films, and that includes their two minute advertisements on television. The more paranormal it is, the worse I am. I have this horrid habit of psyching myself out. I just can't stop thinking about the possibilities and I scare myself into losing many precious hours of sleep. I have only watched a grand total of three scary films. They are as follows: The Ring, The Grudge, and that one movie about that hotel room that was haunted. Pathetic, I know. But I just can't do it. 

I overheard a radio commercial for a horror film recently. I never caught the title, but I clearly remember a line from the narrator that struck me. He said something like, "If you believe in God, then you must believe in the devil." And I thought to myself, what if you don't believe in God? Does that mean the opposite and evil force thought to be the devil simply does not exist for those who do not believe in this God? Does it not apply?

What if you believe that everything happens regardless of.. anything? That things just are and they are governed by the laws of science that are ever changing, that can be tested and updated, that do not judge? Where there is no afterlife, there is the here and now? What makes life so sweet is that it is going to end. What you do now is really what matters, no one has any proof of what happens after death. So until I am given proof, I am going to live out each of my days to the best of my ability, I am going to do what makes me happy because the right now is what is before me, and it is mine and beautiful.

I think everyone has a purpose in being alive. I don't think it is completely random. There must be more to life than to just be here and exist, I have faith in that. "... greatness lies even in the smallest of moments, in the humblest of hearts, and we shall, each of us, be called to greatness. Whether we shall rise to meet it or let it slip away is the challenge put before us all."

Currently listening to:  Alex Kidd - Unholy Grail
This is a pretty powerful song. I got goosebumps when I first heard it.

there is no such thing as the color black, it is just a very dark shade of gray

I've been reading quite often for the past couple of days. Anti-social? Maybe, but I've always liked reading. Most days, I would prefer to wrap myself in a burrito with my off-white comforter and proceed to strain my eyes for several hours, until I am done with a series. The series I'm finishing right now is different from the rest that I have breezed through. This one is special for two reasons. The first is that it is written beautifully, the prose is delicate yet thrilling. The second is that each character is extremely f***ed up. The characters aren't likable. I actually don't like any of them, but what draws me in is that they have flaws. They are unique. And I like that much better than stupid Twilight with stupid Bella and the rest of the stupid vampires. 

Britney has released a new song. The controversy behind the song is Britney + dubstep. I happened upon an interview between Skrillex and MTV concerning the song, titled "Hold It Against Me". MTV was asking Skrillex about his opinion of the song and he brought to light some great points.

Skrillex said that he was happy that dubstep is breaking out. Everything that is successful in the underground becomes mainstream. That is the beauty of the underground, for it is always changing and reinventing itself. He said that because dubstep may become mainstream, he is excited to see what the underground will come up with next. That's a great point that I feel all music purists should contemplate. The underground is forever and always changing, and we are part of that change. In order for it to reinvent itself and avoid becoming stagnant, maybe some of it does have to go mainstream.

I start school next Wednesday. I am excited for this year for several reasons. I am finally moving on with my major courses and will be well on my way. It took me a year or more to figure myself out, but everyone moves at their own pace. I'm just grateful that I, for the most part, have my priorities straight. I have even begun to drink tea! Specifically black tea.

I have mentioned before that I was joyful due to the end of rain/sun's return to California. I now recall why I preferred winter over summer. Being in direct sunlight is uncomfortable, especially for those of paler-than-average skin. I need to invest in some strong sunblock, for I am immensely afraid of contracting wrinkles/sun damage/cancer. I am only twenty, but it is never too early to protect oneself.

Currently listening to: Noisia - Machine Gun (16 Bit Remix)

This. song. blew. me. away. It is best heard with great speakers. "I was listening to this brilliant tune, and suddenly my cat exploded." - youtube comment. Proof enough?

the best part is watching the cloud of smoke

I am proud to say that I've quit smoking for over two months. I am characterized by excessive impulse. I impulsively began to start smoking, and on impulse again, I decided to quit. The span of time from beginning to end accumulates to a decent two years.

I was well aware that smoking was not doing me any good. If you have any friends who smoke, or for that matter, have any other bad habits, I am 99.99% sure that they too, are aware that it is not good for them. When you're young, that isn't enough to curb you away from the temptation. Unless you are an old soul trapped in a young person's body, you tend to not think about the long term effects.

And here I am, 20 years of age. I still have many years left to be reckless and not worry about any long term effects. So how did I quit? I think I decided one day that I didn't want to smoke anymore. That was it.

I don't have a miraculous story. I just wanted to stop and I did. There were consequences of course. The withdrawals, specifically on day 4, were horrible. I had a throbbing headache, felt anxious, was jittery, and wanted to throw up, all at the same time.

I didn't blog about this to persuade anyone to quit anything. If something inspires real happiness in you, by all means, hold onto it. But the second you become dissatisfied with it and it begins to lack any purpose, it's possible to let it go. All it takes is willpower. If you want to stop, you can. I cannot even begin to express how powerful the mind is.

I am deathly afraid to be around cigarettes or touch them ever again. But that is my way of coping with quitting. I think of it as a healthy, relationship closure.

On a side note, is anyone else tired of the ads on youtube for Nevada? I groan everytime I get one before a video. I found an interesting video comment earlier: "Deadmau5 = Canada's way of saying sorry about Justin Beiber". (I am not a Beiber fan, I never will be)

Currently listening to Deadmau5 - Sofi Needs a Ladder.

Happy Tuesday!

I do not own any of these images.

the human body is beautiful

Victoria's Secret Semi-Annual Sale is happening tomorrow, supposedly at 8AM (I'm guessing online). I am a believer of good lingerie. I haven't had the luxury of spoiling myself, but I really need to. I think all women should because it is nice knowing that you have treated yourself to something special. I am also a believer of embracing one's body, and the right pieces of lingerie are the perfect way to do that.

I am slowly beginning to assemble a game plan of how to attack the store, because believe me, the sale gets crazy. I always joke around with my sister and tell her that I absolutely refuse to wrestle a pink lace panty out of the meaty, vice-like-death-grip of some middle aged woman trying to rekindle her sex life. I am not that desperate. So maybe instead of going to the stores, I will just sit back, sip an old-fashioned apple juice box, and order online. I would have to pay shipping but it may be worth it if I don't have to brave the mall, which, by the way, I hate. I hate the mall with more passion than I hate sexist men, really. If you ever catch me there, I am there by necessity and am dreading it.

Anyway, check out the sale! Quick tip: check out the swim suit section. I always buy next summer's swim suits during the winter, and VS's swim suits are my favorite. They know how to fit the body, whether you're thin or more full-figured.

Good luck if you're going to shop in-store. High-five if you're going to bum it like me and order online. Whatever the case, don't miss the sale. It's about time we all treat ourselves to a little something-something.

I do not own any of these images.

everyone will be famous for 15 minutes

 

Orly Nail Polish in Glitz and Glamour

The last photo shown is my current favorite nail polish. It was the perfect, most festive polish that I could have worn in welcoming the new year.

I'm in a lace and lashes kind of mood, which brought my train of thought to glamor. Then I thought of Andy Warhol and his comments on America's societal conscience, or lack thereof. It's all about life in the fast lane, Hollywood, who you know, what you've done, and what you're going to be remembered for. 

"Everyone will be famous for 15 minutes."
- Andy Warhol




I do not own any of these images.

i used to like rain, but this is a little much...

Harry Potter's Bedroom Upgraded, Version 2.0

Rainy days used to be the best, until mother nature decided to smite us down here in socal. I'm just complaining, I know other places have it worse, but still. This is a little much! I skipped my usual mecca to the gym because my mother was deathly afraid I was going to get into an accident. I stayed in and watched Pink Panther 2 by myself, and ate. Lots and lots of food. Mother nature, I will be silently praying to you. Please be good to me as I travel the couple miles down to 24 to burn off the horde of chocolate, chips, bread, and fish I had today.

I do not own any of these images.

most used products of last year

I know it's already 2011, but I wanted to make a list of my most loved/used products of 2010.

Makeup Forever HD Foundation in #115

Clinique Almost Lipstick in Black Honey

Clinique Superbalm Moisturizing Gloss in Black Honey

Cargo HD Pressed Powder

Dior Gloss in Black Tie

Dior Lip Polish in 001

ELF C Eyeshadow Brush

NARS Eyeshadow in Etrusque

Smashbox Eyeshadow in Brazilian Bronze

MAC Blush in Peaches

Makeup Forever Aqua Eyes Liner in Black

NARS Blush in Albatross

NARS Lip Gloss in Moon Fleet

Tokidoki for Sephora Makeup Bag

 

Time Balm Concealer in Light/Medium

Thanks to my boyfriend, my sister, and Marie for getting me/getting me into some of these products.


I do not own any of these images.

hello, hello.

It has been a while since I've blogged. I checked back to blogspot and realized that I haven't touched this site since early 2009. That was two years ago. Tumblr was nice for a while, but it is currently being over taken by teeny boppers. I miss the personal touch that blogs are known for, so here I am. Plus my friend Marie started one and told me to do the same.

Anyway, here are some things that tickle my fancy on this dreary, rainy day.

 

Products/Images by: Bijules, Armor, Laura Kranitz, Noir, Han Cholo, Hellz Bellz, Obey, Miss Wax